Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So much Jack, so little girl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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