I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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