Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I will die if light touches me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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