I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
