goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
