i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
