Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
