I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
