I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im holly from the hills drunk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile