Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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