Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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