ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.