Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?