just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.