remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!