she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
