There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
