My first STD was from a foam party
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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