you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drunk is not a location!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
