my mouth tastes like poor choices
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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