Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
