i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
