BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
