I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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