Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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