the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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