I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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