If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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