the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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