Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
