susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
