Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
