I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she peed on how many people?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
