Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
