are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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