Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
