I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
