i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
