I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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