Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
