I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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