He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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