I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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