she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
