hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize