worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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