this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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