he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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