My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
