Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
