just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was born a porn star she said
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
