I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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