I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
