So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
