woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
