I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
is it fun? or sober?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
