Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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