Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
