I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
