careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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