sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
