Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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