they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
