do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
