Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
