Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
