I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
