Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
3pm strippers are depressing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just pee around me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
