Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
