I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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