My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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