Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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