Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
