But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
