i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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